Blurred Photographs and Faded Ink
by xoxoSILxoxo
Summary: If you had told him two months ago that she could wear anything shorter than those ridiculous school girl skirts, he probably wouldn't have believed you, but somehow, she managed to find the absolute skimpiest little skirt he'd ever seen. T for caution.


**A/N: Alright, I know I need to update my Puckleberry multi, but lately for some reason I've been really feeling St. Berrish, so PB fans, just ignore this little number so I can vent.**

**Just my little tribute to Jonathan Groff/ Jesse St. James, may his return this season be an interesting one.**

* * *

His ears rang as the rain picked up. The small, 4.0 grade average part of him said that he had just popped an ear cell, but the rest of him was frozen. It hadn't been that long since he'd seen her, he had, coincidently of course, stumbled across her more than a few times. Like how her dad's business flight to Boston had been on the same day his flight to Los Angles, and hopefully, the last time he ever stepped foot anywhere relatively near Ohio ever again. It was only two gates away, and Jesse St. James always made sure to arrive early anywhere, in order to avoid mishaps and confusion, in was an all-around good habit to get into. He saw her standing next a grimy News stand, causally flipping through a magazine as her dad stood at the counter, buying a bottle of water. (Reluctantly buying one, Jesse guessed, because he knew the Berry's well enough to know that Leroy was the money saver of the family, but also a push over when it came to his little girl, who would drink nothing other than water, and a specific brand of it, at that.)

If you had told him two months ago that she could wear anything shorter than those ridiculous school girl skirts, he probably wouldn't have believed you, but somehow, she managed to the absolute skimpiest skirt he'd seen anywhere other than on in mannequin, in the back of a department store. Along with the traditional animal sweater, he mused from a distance. In fact, if had been standing any closer, he might have been able to tell that it was the owl sweater she had been wearing the day after the whole Run Joey, run debacle, but he couldn't. And though Jesse had the confidence to stand in front of a thousand people and sing with a force ready to rival that of Broadway, that didn't necessarily mean he had to the confidence to go within a thirty-foot radius of the girl who used to make his heart swell.

So he just watched from afar as she crossed her legs again and again uncomfortably, before nearly dashing out of the store once her father had made his purchases. She hugged on the both of her parents as they walked back to the gate, eyes glittering like a little girl, and he realized she was probably the only girl he knew that still treated her parents with such love. She was probably the only person he knew that would still jump up and down with excitement over the littlest things, almost in a child like, (yet endearing) manner. She was also probably the only person he knew in this town (Or, used to know, he gathers) that he would remember even when he finally got where he wants to be.

And he did. He remembers her. Though, he admits, he isn't exactly where he wants to be. But his at UCLA, (maybe you've heard of it, it's in Los Angeles) so he figures he's got a pretty good start. He's got four National Titles, and though he's not happy about going from being a senior, the biggest, the baddest, to a freshman again, he knows it's just part of the whole experience.

It's not like he thinks about her often, but there are times when he'll be with his friends, talking about his high school experience and her name will come up in passing, though he never bothers to tell the whole story. Or Shelby will call him about Beth or just about college, and he'll ask how Rachel's doing and he's only ever mildly surprised when she answers, "I don't know." He really tries not to downgrade Shelby; he really doesn't, because she's always been a mother figure to him (as strange as it is when you compare it to _who else_ Shelby is a mother-figure to) and he doesn't want to get on her bad side after all she's done. But he just doesn't feel good about the decisions he's made anymore, though he knows it's too late to even really matter. But the only reason her started the whole ordeal was because he thought it would be a good acting experience, and a way to pay Shelby back. But then he realized, and he wasn't lying when he said this, he _kind of_ liked her, and so it changed. He didn't want the experience, (though he supposed that what still a factor) but he actually, genuinely wanted to help reunite this mother and daughter, in hopes that when he left, at the very least, she'll have gained _something_. And then Shelby changed her mind. She didn't want Rachel anymore. And yes, he's heard Shelby's side of the story, Rachel was an adult, she didn't her, but Jesse had always thought, as mature as Rachel seems, in a lot of way's, she still does need a mother. Everyone does. And though Jesse is a big supporter in adoption and helping the little ones, adopting Beth was only creating further wrong in the situation. Any child would have been bad, but the daughter of the girl Rachel has always felt second to? It's like Shelby didn't know the girl at all. (Though, know that he thinks about it, he guesses that that was the problem in the first place.)

* * *

It was late October when he saw her again. Many times, actually. He took the weekend to come down and visit his Uncle, the biggest support of Halloween merriment, and Lima, being a very, very small town, had only seemed to have gotten smaller. He saw her pull up next to him at a red light, in a beat up old car, which he somehow knew, immediately, could only belong to Finn Hudson. And he was right, because he could see him sitting in the driver's seat, rambling on about something or another, and Jesse had to fight a smile when he saw that Rachel wasn't paying all the much attention to the boy. In fact, it almost seemed like she was preoccupied with something right about where Jesse was, and if Jesse didn't know for a solid fact that the windows in this car were tinted, he could have sworn she was looking _right_ at him. And then she started giggling. It took him a moment to realize that it was something Frankenteen had said that she was laughing at, and not him. And just before the light turned green she saw her give Finn a little kiss, letting Jesse see that Finn was wearing a pair of thick nerd glasses, that didn't even look like they had lenses in them. Then she sped off in a flash of pink, and it wasn't until Jesse was at his Uncle's, watching a marathon of "The Best Halloween Movie's in Existence," as his uncle dubbed it, did it occur to him that they were dresses as Brad and Janet.

A brief check to the McKinley high website, (which was in desperate need of refurbishing, might he add) confirmed this. He watched the cast list from a few days, watching the part of the creature move from Sam Evans (who Jesse assumed was new) to Will Schuester, (Toucha, Toucha, Touch me was going to be interesting) to absolutely no one, with the role of Frankenfurter doing practically the same. But if there was one thing he learned from the days he spent at McKinley, it was that New Directions had hardly _anything_ set in stone, so it honestly, did not surprise him in the slightest.

* * *

He went to Sectionals that year. Not just for her, of course, but because Shelby couldn't do it alone, and he was mildly curious. He tried not to be noticed, staying out of all the places they were obviously bound to be, because even though he was _technically _here to see her, he wasn't sure he actually wanted to _see her_. But there was no missing New Directions as they walked in, Mr. Schuester proudly leading the way, as the rest of the group walked behind him. No, the more accurate thing to say was dragged their feet behind him. The only smiling people were Quinn, Santana, and blonde haired boy, who he assumed to be Sam. Rachel, on the other hand, looked positively miserable, which was something Jesse wasn't accustomed to on the day of a performance. She was also standing much closer to Puck and much further away from Finn than he could have imagined. But before he could assess the situation further, Rachel turned her head much too close to the direction he was in, and he decided now would be a wise time to find Shelby. And after doing so, he was shocked to find Rachel at the concession stand, sitting right next to Kurt, mid-hug, because the last time he checked, they weren't the type of people to do such things. But it did warm a small part of his heart, because he knew Rachel was always insecure about the number of friends she had (read: none) and he had to hope that maybe her luck in that area was beginning to turn.

The actual performance brought even more surprises. The first group, 'The Hipsters', weren't terrible, from people of that age anyway, but assuming their competition, Jesse didn't expect them to place high. Next came 'The Warblers.' Jesse's first thought, was how horrible a name that was, (though still not worse than 'Aural Intensity'), and his second was that they weren't actually half bad. Then he noticed Kurt, standing on the sidelines. At first he thought it was some sort of mistake, but then he remembered that this was McKinley they were talking about, and he really shouldn't be surprised at the amount of drama he had obviously missed out on. No, the real shocker of the night came with New Directions performances. He could appreciate the duet between Barbie and Ken, and was impressed by Santana's rendition of Valerie, but by the end of the third song, Jesse realized that he had yet to hear a peep out of their best singer, who was standing in the back row, with an annoyed and yet defeated expression on her face. Not that he cared the least bit, he just thought it was very poor decision making on Schuster's part. And when the tied, Jesse agreed that it was a suitable outcome, but he remembers thinking that if they had just a bit more Rachel, then they probably would have taken home first.

At the end of the show, Shelby took a quick run to the bathroom, and Jesse completely let down his guard. Maybe being here, he had just forgotten he didn't belong anymore, of maybe he was still stuck behind the tinted windows of his car, but either way, Rachel Berry saw him for the first time in months. He didn't realize it at first, but sooner or later he felt her gaze burning into his back, and he turned around to meet her eyes, his wide like a deer in headlights. And he'll swear to this day, she didn't even look the least bit surprised. No, maybe hesitant at first, and then almost smug. And at last she raised her hand and waved, giving him a smile, and he didn't have time to force his numb hand to react before she turned away, and walked out the door.

As he was sitting on the plane, next to an overweight women who nearly squashed him into the window, a thought struck him that maybe she had seen him all along, and just never let on. Because god, she had always found a way to see right through him, except when it had mattered the most. She'd been able to tell when he was upset and why, and seen through all the little white lies he'd tried to fool her with, and yet she never been able to figure out his greatest lie of all.

* * *

The years flew by. There were times when her name faded in his memory and times when it flared suddenly out of the blue, and sooner or later it would appear again, in the paper, in magazines, across skylines, in movie's, on TV, everywhere and anywhere. Because she'd mad it to Broadway and by the time she was twenty-five she was America's sweetheart, and had hit nearly every movie that had ever made it to the top. He was almost jealous, because that's what he'd wanted to be, and somehow, she had still managed to beat him to it. And yet he just kept dreaming, because he just knew that he'd be there someday, maybe not with her, but in the same general area, and maybe then when people would she her in his old photographs and yearbooks he would be able to answer yes, when they asked him if he knew her.

But the years went on, and Jesse never really got around to Broadway. Or theater or movies. No, he was a business man now, to which his friend's had always laughed at, because he had always been the best liar they knew. But it was strange, because he had no dreams of such anymore, and yet he still kept tabs on her, he watched her award speeches and went to see every one of her movies, until he was scared of his own obsession with her, after all when had he become to watch another's success, Rachel Berry's no less. But in six months time that would come to change. Not because he would no longer be watching her, but because she'd no longer be Rachel Berry.

She'd be Rachel Hudson. Only, it wasn't Finn Hudson she was getting married to. Because there are thousands of Hudson's in America alone, and really, how many relationships last through high school anyway?

He doesn't even know if she's still in touch with the rest of the original gang. All he knows is that Kurt designs most of her dresses now a days, and every so often he sees the name Mike Chang in the credits of action movies as an Effects Specialists, (he gives them both credit from breaking the stereotype.) But aside from that, he's fairly sure that she is the only one that really followed her dreams, including him. And he really doesn't realize it until she's up on stage accepting her third Tony, and he's at home on the couch, listening.

"I know you've all heard the stories before." She said into the microphone, looking around the audience. "I came from Ohio, the most prejudiced part at that, and coming from there to here was one of the biggest struggles of my life." She paused for a moment, and he could see the passion bubbling up inside her. "I can't tell you how many times I doubted myself, or how many times someone called me annoying, or told me I had no chance in hell of making it. I can't tell you how many times I almost gave up. I'm not someone who just stumbled into showbiz, or realized that they could sing last Thursday, no, I've been preparing for this my entire life. I can assure you that in my younger years, I probably practiced this speech just about a thousand times. And for people like me, for people like us, here tonight, it's not about who, what, where, or when, it's not even about how. We just never gave up. Though we lost of dignity doing so and sometimes our sanity, we never lost our dream or our desperation for it. And that's what makes me so proud to be here, and to be a part of this. This is a family of winners, and people who never lost hope. And I do hope that people everywhere see this, hear this, and maybe, it will give them enough confidence to do what we did, because that's what we're all really here for, isn't it?"

That's the night he claps at his TV, which was something Shelby always did that annoyed him, (it's not like they could _hear_ you), but he sat there of his couch, clapping for her.

The next day he goes to three auditions.

And he can't help but feel like he's on his way.


End file.
